Seek Him daily

Our Thanksgiving plans were changed for us too and at first I found myself irritated but when I stepped back and thought about it, it was becuase I was being selfish. I was going to have to cook twice now, and I was going to have to,....blah, blah, blah. Instead I should be grateful to get to spend time with just my family and then with just his family. Plus, Tina and her kids would have been left out and that's not fair to them either. I think what bothers me most is it is an inconvenience to me when plans are changed but I am learning to let it go. It gets easier but it's still hard.

I am working on seeking him daily. When I wake up in the morning, I try to spend the first few minutes, while I am in the shower even, praying about my day and asking Him to prepare me for the day and to help me take advantage of the opportunities He gives me that day. Many mornings by the time we get out the door and in the car I have found myself irritated and yelling at the kids becuase we just can't get out the door. Some days I feel so bad about the way I have treated my kids that I just want to cry and one morning it hit me, I need to pray, out loud, in front of the kids, and ask for forgiveness for my attitude. So now, every morning on the way to school, we pray for our day together. It really helps me put things in perspective.

I am a planner too. I don't know if it is becuase I want to be in control or not. I think I am okay with knowing this is what He wants me to do and not knowing what will come of it. I realize I can not see the big picture. I have to remind myself often of that. I think it is more that if I have a task or tasks to accomplish, I need to make a list and plan out the best way to get it all accomplished. Maybe that is a control issue and I am in denial.

When I was asked to consider taking over as coordinator for MOPS I was terrified. It was totally out of my comfort zone and I did not feel qualified. The more I prayed about it the more I realized if I was going to grow spiritually, I had to get out of my comfort zone and trust that if He was calling me to it, He would equip me to do the task. It was such a faith builder for me because there have been so many times that I have had to totally depend on God to work out the details and He has done just that and it is always way better than I ever could have done.

There are many other times I can think of when we gave control over to God and it worked out so much better than I could have ever imagined. When Benjie wasn't sure if he wanted to stay and B&R or not. Our prayer was if this is where we are supposed to be, then give us a peace about it and if it's not, open the doors for us. After months of prayer, we had a complete peace that this is where we were to be. WOW...I never imagined the opportunities He would give us to serve Him and share His love in such a rough environment.

I have been praying for months about whether or not we are to have more children. My prayer has been that if I am not to have more children to take the desire away and if I am, to change Benjie's heart. Out of the blue one night, Benjie told me if I wanted more, he was okay with it. WOW...I was blown away! Now I have a house full of kids and Ashley tells me, maybe this is the answer to your prayer.

"As I follow Jesus one day at a time, He will keep me in the center of God's will." I have to seek Him daily. If I am doing that, I will be able to see Him at work around me and join Him. I often feel quilty for not having a set aside quiet time but a mentor told me, at this stage in my life, with preschoolers, it shouldn't be something else on my list, as long as I am spending time with God on a daily basis and communicating with Him, I don't need to worry about a designated time period for quiet time. Eventually, I will get to that point. So I just try to keep an ongoing conversation going all day.

Well, I was a little intimidated by this whole blog thing. I didn't think I would have anything to say and here I rambled on and on.